B is for Blogging

I am always ten steps behind my life.

I had a cell phone the size of a brick when everyone I knew had switched to flip-phones, I always file an extension on my taxes.  I don’t tweet, don’t own a nook or an Ipad. There’s always a bill late, a lighbulb out, a half written letter, a plant that needs to be watered.

On days when I am really overwhelmed, I am nostalgic for a simpler, slower time when I didn’t feel like a tortoise in a world of hares.   I miss dialing phones,  the sound of a busy signal or the way the cord made static when you stretched it too far.

And then there is blogging. When blogging first appeared on the internet,my friends encouraged  me to start one,  I smiled and put it on my novel length list of “things to get to”

Now, over a decade later, I am blogging.

Right now.  This very second. See? Here it is.

My intention was to write at least a paragraph for every letter of the alphabet every day of the week. That was last month.  It’s May 23rd  a month since my last “blog entry” and I am only on letter “b”

See what I mean?

A few months ago, my boyfriend hired a personal organizer to help me with my struggles to keep up with things.  Troy, a balding ex-dancer told me I should start with my filing cabinet.   For three hours we sifted through piles of paper, throwing out entire folders worth of bills. ”

Brooklyn Union Gas has been called Keyspan since 2000,” Troy said with a flourish as he dumped the thick file in the plastic bag.Even more embarrassing was the Thank You notes I found that Aidan had written for after his eighth birthday party.

“How old is he now?” Troy asked.

“Seventeen.”

He threw the notes into the garbage without a sound.

Writing that sentence compels me to apologize to anyone who may be reading this.  I’m sorry if I never sent a thank you note, if I forgot to return an e-mail, if I didn’t RSVP.  It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just have trouble keeping up with things.

See you at the next letter.

 

 

I am a tortured insomniac. I have tried everything from sleep masks to Ambien, Valerian root to meditation tapes and still sleep eludes me. Recently my boyfriend suggested I try using the alphabet. “List movie stars” and amazingly it seems to work: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Callista Flockhart? Why did I think of that skinny bitch? My mind at night is not a normal mind. Wet laundry in the washer takes on monumental importance. The letter game is more creative than counting sheep and it works. I start with a list of things I am grateful for:

For someone like me, having the structure of the alphabet grounds me, puts parameters on a life that often feels overwhelming and out of control.

On some nights, if my insomnia is really bad, I need more than one list:

Places I want to travel:

Then on the truly torturous nights, when the frustration mounts, there are other lists: Things that annoy me:

So welcome to the first day of ALPHABLOG. My life in letters. Thanks for dropping by.